axeually | psls/threads/kywtp post

[Camilla thought of herself as very fortunate, now. Once in her life, she hadn't been, but all of that had turned around when her little sister came into the world. Suddenly, she had something that was more important than anything in the world, her darling little Sanae.]

[There were so many troubles in the world, though. Sanae was so cute, after all, she'd definitely be lusted over by all sorts of boys. That's why it was a relief for Sanae herself to choose to inherit a relative's shrine. The gods would surely help her keep perverts away from her dear sister. The fact that their parents insisted on Camilla moving to the small home by the shrine with her was just coincidentally wonderful. She planned to make sure her little sister was impeccably cared for. She would be the best sister in the world, even a better mother than their mother, she swore that to herself the day they moved in.]

[Nothing filled her heart with joy more than Sanae's sleepy face in the morning, or surprising her with treats at the end of a long day, or masturbating in her bed when she was busy.]

[Totally normal, right?]

[That said, something had been different recently... Her precious Sanae seemed to be avoiding her, taking a long time in the bathroom, and her face was flushed more often. She was starting to worry. ... So! It was time to foster some closeness.]

Sanae, sweetie... [hope you don't mind your bath time being interrupted, by a knock at the door, little sis]

Let's take a bath together, like we used to. I'll wash your back for you, darling. [and then she's going to open the door regardless of response!]

[Some people at Camilla's work would ask her: don't you feel jealous, having such a talented little sister? That thought had never crossed Camilla's mind, though. Why would she be jealous? She was proud of Relm's paintings and drawings. Every last one of them was filled with so much emotion, so much of Relm, and if she was ever lonely she could just look at some of those drawings and feel like her sister was right there with her.]

[So, she usually would take some sneak-peeks of Relm's private sketchbook whenever she could. The first time she found a page of female figures, she had assumed it was just practice work. Then, a few days later, there were three pages, then there were six, and every single one of them seemed much more focused on the breasts than anything else.]

[Poor Relm. She was itching for puberty, wasn't she? Even though she was such a lovely girl to start with. Maybe she just needed some reassuring. That was her intention, coming to her sister's door, but,]

[Oh. Were those the faintest sounds of breathing she could catch? It certainly didn't sound like painting. It makes her heartrate beat faster and she wonders if she shouldn't just listen at the door. If she stands around too long, though, Mother might be suspicious. It was better to just go in. After all, it was natural, wasn't it? To explore oneself as they got older? And she could always say she didn't hear anything and this was all an unfortunate accident.]

[Relm gets about two seconds between the knock and the door opening.]

Relm, dearie, how is your painting going?

[When Camilla first found out she was with child, she swore to give that child all the love she hadn't gotten as a child. However, life got in the way. Due to a few rough years with Laslow's dance company, she needed to keep up her own job creating designer wedding dresses. She loved her job but her heart ached of the idea of cute little Soleil being raised by the nanny.]

[When her cute, tiny, pure Soleil told her as a child, "I'm going to marry Miss Felicia!" well, then, that was enough of that. There was still so little time between them, though. Really, it was the best idea to have Soleil attend a boarding school so that both parents could work most of the year and then put their utmost effort into when she came home.]

[Except for now that Camilla was shifting into a company format which meant she had much more free time. The letter telling Soleil she could come home for good after this semester was filled with so many excited scribbled hearts that it was hard to believe a grown career-woman wrote it.]

[And things were blissful when she got back! Well, at least for the first month or so. Then, Laslow had to go on another tour. The more time off also meant she got more lonely when he was gone. At least her darling daughter was here. She'd clearly gained Camilla's good-looks and Laslow's propensity for flirting. She was so perfect and Camilla had missed so much time with her, and for what? Nothing that really mattered.]

[So, she needed to make up for it! Even if some of the things she suggested seemed... inappropriate, at Soleil's current age.]

Sweetie! [Camilla peers her head into her daughter's room. Oh, that felt so good to think! It was really Soleil's room, now, not just a place she stayed for a week or so.] Do you want to come sleep in my bed tonight? [She was all ready for bed which, for her, meant a barely-there negligee. After all, they were family, no reason to be self-conscious.]

[The castle was so stifling at times. Camilla would never dare shirk the responsibilities her father gave her. That would be too risky for herself and her beloved siblings. Still, every now and then, she wished for something different for herself and her family. Now, of course, that came out in twisted and distorted ways because she was loved in a twisted and distorted way.]

[She would never call her love for her siblings distorted, though. It was the purest thing in her life. That love had to be hidden, though, protected from any source of enmity. She always visits with the pretense of studies or needlework or any number of completely valid reasons. What happens once that door is closed, though, is entirely different.]

Aspen, darling. [she coos, pulling a bag out from under her arm.] I've finished your present. ♥

[There were people within the nobility that would lose their minds to know one of the king's sons was interested in wearing women's clothing. They couldn't very well buy any for him or questions would arise. Still, if Camilla were to make one, as a sewing project, well, then there was nothing to suspect! Her careful measurements also made sure it wouldn't interfere with his wings. It was an expression of love.]

Try it on! I'm sure you'll look wonderful! [It's a little understated, not the kind of dress a noblewoman would actually wear. It was still very pretty, though, with sky blue fabric and intricate embroidery evoking feathers.]

[When you are eight years apart, your older sibling exists as the sum total of the world itself. They know everything, they can do anything, and they are less a sibling and more a minor deity that blesses your life whenever they choose to spend time with you. That is how life was for Amane with her sister. She followed her around everywhere and was never treated like a pain for it , always listened and believed whatever she had to say, was happy to do what she wanted, because she was always right and treated her with such tender love and care. Never in her childhood can she think of her sister ever doing her wrong, and if she did, it certainly never lasted long at all.

Yes, when you are eight years apart, you can proudly spout the knowledge and secrets your big sister tells you to the admiration and shining eyes of other kids, but it also means you are left behind a lot sooner; Camilla had lived some of her life without Amane in it. Amane had always had her older sister in hers.

Until she hadn't.

All too soon for her liking, Camilla was an adult when Amane hit double digits, she found her footing in life when Amane was only hitting puberty, and by the time she was well into high school, Camilla was incredibly successful, and on her own merits. The age gap never changed, but the distance certainly did.

Certainly, they came from money and she was not so naive to be blind to its advantages, but her sister, for all that she could be doting and sweet, was a force to be reckoned with. Competent, capable, determined, and hardworking, possessed of a keen mind and an unyielding will. Her sister was or had all of those and many more. It was what she loved about her and aspired to be, herself.

It, in turn, placed much more pressure on Amane to perform well, sometimes better, because excellence can only be companion to excellence, and when one is used to staring and high bars, especially as working standards, very good work starts to look less impressive after a while. High expectations become regular expecations. She manages to meet these extolling demands swimmingly, but it never ends. Even if this is her new normal, there is a fear inside that she can never shake. It only grows and festers putridly.

Not enough.

Nothing she ever does is good enough, and when she is seldom praised, it only exacerbates her worries, but not once, not a single time has she ever spared a single resentful thought for her sister. All she wants is to be like her, even if she can never truly hope for such a pipe dream. All she can hope to do is stare at her sister's back, well out of her reach, in more than one way.

Soon...her sister could leave the estate if she wanted to and she would never have to return if she did not. The thought turns sourly in her stomach, but she suppresses it.

For now, Amane knocks on her sister's door, a tray in hand.]

Sister...do you have a moment?

for is-a-good-girl

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for miell

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